Here She Comes

Current Mood: bouncy

Nicholas Hughes


My mother suffered from depressive illness for most of her life. During some parts of it she was psychotic.

From a very early age I was afraid of being like her and the fear of her illness made coping with my own depressive tendencies more difficult.
A dip in mood would send me into a panic.

For a long time the fear of being "my mother's daughter" usurped perspective and common sense and I was hostage to it.

I did not want to be like her, her type of depression, her brand of "crazy".

In the last month, a few people have remarked that not only was I not like her, but I would never be like her.
And finally, i think I am more than ready to let that fear go.

Current Mood: peaceful

I have been away for awhile.

It was longer than I expected.

One of the reasons is shortly after my last entry my PC died.

A couple of months ago I got a laptop but I just never quite felt moved enough to write.

Current Mood: embarrassed

chocolate and nuts
chocolate and cherries
chocolate and rasberries
chocolate and vanilla
chocolate and cinnamon
chocolate and chillies
...
chocolate and BACON ?

http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/bacon_exotic_candy_bar/exotic_candy_bars 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6N0sNMKFO4

It has been quite awhile since I did one of these

http://www.wildinsecret.com/

another adult toy catalog... well put together, with reasonable prices and some items that http://www.blowfish.com does not carry


and here is a bonus link:
http://www.katedominic.com/

she writes great erotica for all.

As I previously mentioned voter turnout was expected to be high. I am beyond happy that was in fact the case.
I am excited that people are taking an interest in the political process.
I think it may be an indicator that some of our inertia and apathy may be lifting.

I found this interesting: I had watched the morning news coverage yesterday and the consensus was that Hillary Clinton was dead in the water...that she was not going to be able to over come the momentum Barack Obama had.

For the sake of the political process I am glad THEY were wrong.

Current Mood: hopeful

I am posting this before I watch any news coverage.

It was predicted that there will be a huge voter turn-out; perhaps as high as 70%.

That abso-fucking-lutely thrills me... .

I have been excited about that prospect all day.

alright...

I am doing well.

I have not forgotten about anybody.

In the last 6 months I:
(in no particular order)

was granted Social Security Disability...the case was compelling enough that they actually approved it befor i had submitted all of my paperwork.

acknowledged the end of a 4 yr relationship.

have redefined the type of relationship that I want and have happily dipped my toes into the "kinky" side of life.

will write more soon.

Current Mood: awake

Hi.

It has been awhile.

Life in transition.

On vacation: in NJ.

Surprise!

Current Mood: awake

Today is the 62nd 'anniversary' of the Atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan.
Monday, August 6th marked the first use of an A-bomb as a weapon -- on Hiroshima.
Here are some related links for those who want/need the information.

http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/abomb/mp01.htm

http://history1900s.about.com/od/worldwarii/a/hiroshima.htm

http://www.dannen.com/decision/

http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/g_l/levine/bombing.htm

http://www.gensuikin.org/english/photo.html

http://www.art-for-a-change.com/Atomic/atomic.htm

http://www.fureai-ch.ne.jp/~haiku/enpic.htm

http://www.tempslibres.org/awhw/poets/ys.html

Current Mood: distressed

a company I really like...for many reasons!
ask me and I will tell you which toy intrigues me this time around... ;)

http://blog.blowfish.com/

I have recently (almost 2 weeks ago) joined an on-line community and have been a bit busy. I was completey unprepared for the # of emails that would be arriving in my box...to date 1,002....I miss you...and will write more w/i a day or so.

Got a new Rx from my MD today. It reads as follows:

Say NO!

Refills
[infinite] (infinity symbol)

Current Mood: relieved

little to say but I will say some of it anyway.

What is that little charming saying? Oh, yeah...we're only as sick as our secrets..... -

sis-in-law in hospital for the 2nd time in 3 weeks...was only out for a week...this time she told them that yes she had been abusing the pain pills Dr had prescribed after being put on a no pain-pill-no benzo diet 1 1/2 yrs ago... her PCP prescribed 60 pills (1 month supply)which she filled last weds afternoon. Saturday they were gone, monday she crashed and tried to OD with the kids home this time. Wound up in ICU then transferred to psych. It took her awhile to tell them the whole story.
Everyone (psych staff and MD) kept insisting the drug was non-addictive.
Evidently none of them knew how to read:
"Ortho-McNeil's revised 2001 product package insert for Ultram states, "Tramadol may induce psychic and physical dependence of the morphine type (mu-opioid). Dependence and abuse, including drug-seeking behavior and taking illicit actions to obtain the drug are not limited to those patients with prior history of opioid dependence. The risk for patients with a history of substance abuse has been observed to be higher."
So for the last 3 weeks+ I have been busy with family stuff:getting youngest neice ready for school...happy to do it, hate getting up early...(I would love to be a morning person if only mornings came a little later in the day.). Other related stuff.

today is the 4th anniversary date of my dad's death.... but sunday is the anniversary day as he died on father's day. my mother died 11 days later on the 26th...both were out of the blue and they had been divorced since 1969...he was remarried...she never did.

there is a more detailed account of all that stuff here:

http://scarcrest.livejournal.com/1505234.html

just scroll till you find.
But please do not read it unless you are equipped to handle intense and possibly triggering material...well written perhaps...not very pretty.

BTW: If you do go visit, check out his blog...I like it lots.

I am tired. I have not been sleeping much. If I know I am going to be experiencing something stressfull I tend to sub-conciously force myself to not sleep ahead of time...then when "IT" happens I am kind of numbed out by then. But there will be hell to pay later. more stress plus less sleep? not generally a good idea.

be well angel watchers...
thanks.

Current Mood: gloomy

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Current Mood: quixotic

re: erotica
in the mood for a saucy read...try here: at present they have 3023 books listed
http://www.powells.com/subsection/EroticaGeneral.1.html




disclaimer: i have no vested interest in any of these links regarding sexuality....not only that but I came across them completely by accident....really...... ;)
(first part IS true...second part? well, that is for the reader to decide.)

Current Mood: mischievous

I was going to a goth concert last night but friday it started to fall apart so instread I went to this:
Bowzer's Rock and Roll Party...
Last night's lineup included:

• THE COMETS (“Rock Around The Clock”; “Shake, Rattle & Roll”; “See You Later Alligator”)- Back by Popular Demand!!!
• SAM THE SHAM (“Woolly Bully”; “Little Red Riding Hood”)
• THE CRICKETS (“That’ll Be The Day”; “Peggy Sue”; “Maybe Baby”)
• JOEY DEE & THE STARLITERS (“Peppermint Twist”; “Shout”)
• DEE DEE SHARP (“Mashed Potato Time”; “Gravy”)
• QUESTIONMARK & THE MYSTERIANS (“96 Tears”)
• JIMMY CLANTON (“Venus In Blue Jeans”; “Just A Dream”)
• MERRILEE RUSH (“Angel Of The Morning”)
• among others
• BOWZER & THE STINGRAYS
• Special Guest: JOHNNY CONTARDO, formerly of SHA NA NA
• Backup Band: ROCKY & THE ROLLERS

Court Rebuffs F.C.C. on Fines for Indecency"

Very enjoyable...some surprises and I loved the Spring Awakenings scene...I will fill in the details later!

http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/welcome.html      VERY unique perfume oil blends

as I have been reading it I have been matching my friends LJ and other with various compositions....when I have them all decided I will post my LJ friends' scents in another post...unless that if offensive to any of you.